Men Are Jackasses

After people watching and eavesdropping while I was at the bars last week, I’ve noticed that most men are jackasses. So, I have compiled a list of things for men NOT to do while on a date.
-No howling like a wolf if you think a woman is hot. You are neither a fucking werewolf nor apart of the Twilight saga. Get over it.
-When telling a girl her best qualities, the first thing you shouldn’t say is that she has nice tits. And you should definitely not add that that’s the first thing you noticed about her.
-Unless you are talking to a hooker, do not tell a girl you want to throw her around like a rag doll. And if you get to the point of throwing her around like a rag doll, do not proceed to say "we have to cut this short."
-Don’t beat yourself up all night for not holding the door open for us. We could really fucking care less. And don’t tell us about this the day after because if that’s all you can remember about the night then you have some weird fucking issues. You should probably see a therapist. Just saying.
-Don’t buy a shot that tastes like cough syrup unless you want it to be spit out all over you. And if you can honestly say that tastes good then at some point in your life you probably did drugs. You were probably one those kids who downed a whole bottle of cough syrup to get a little high. And drinking this nasty shot brings you back to the good ole days. And again, we go back to the therapist issue.
-Do not pick us up on the sidewalk to make yourself look manly. Just because you can, does not mean that you should. Because you shouldn’t. You embarrass us and yourself at the same time. You do not get a cookie for that.
-Do not tell us that something tastes like shit after you just offered us some of it. So you want us to taste your shitty meal? Well, how fucking kind of you. Jackass.
-Do not paint a picture of what life could be like for the two of you in the future, you’re on a fucking date, it’s not like you just proposed for god’s sake. If you are saying lines like that, you are probably a douche bag and my eight ball predicts that she won’t want to be with you in the future anyways.