I'm fucking pregnant, so it’s best that you leave.

I’m debating whether or not to tell our roommate that I’m fucking pregnant just so he gets out of the goddamn house already. I want to make it very clear to everyone that I am not in fact pregnant, nor do I intend on it anytime in the near future/decade, this is just a little plan I’ve got brewing in my head. Ok so, our roommate is 33 years old, has never lived on his own, complains he has no money but buys a new car and gadgets all the time, and he’s also Jim’s bff. What a pickle we are in. I only agreed to have him move in for ONE year and ONE year only so that we would have some extra money for the wedding. Well that year has come and passed and I told him he has to be out no later than August 1, because we are fucking getting married and we don’t want/need him here anymore. It’s a little over a month away and I don’t see him doing shit about it. Come July 1, I’m typing up a 1 month notice that he has to leave and if he doesn’t, I WILL pull the pregnancy card out. That should get rid of him REAL fucking fast. I hope.